I had bestfriends.
They are cheerful, lovely and so damn beautiful.
I do love them, a lot.
I miss them in silence everyday (nobody ever know it before).
Every moments that we've spent together are always crossing my mind, and I don't even know how to stop it.
Then someday I did a mistake.
A huge mistake.
And I know it's (maybe) unacceptable.
But then I apologized, sincerely.
At that moment, I knew everything wouldn't be the same again.
And yeah, it won't be the same again.
It's different now, totally different.
I never thaught it would be happen to me, to us.
But it's okay.
It's all pure my fault.
I expect them too much, I love them too much, and I miss them too much.
And yeah these quote: 'that too much can hurt you as much' is sooo damn true.
That too much in me makes me insanely uncontrolled my mind.
Everything was so suck that time.
Looking them doing fine without me, looking them hang out happily without me, while I was miss them so badly. It was like... I got a thousand knifes on my heart.
And finally, that mistake happened.
I knew it was a terrible selfish decision.
But don't u know, that mistake happened because I miss them, a lot. It was torturing me.
Missing you and couldn't even see your faces is more than sucks.
And yeah these quote is true (again): "love is blind".
I really blind that time.
I blind because I miss them, I blind because I was sooo sad.
I'm sad because I don't even know how was your day, how was your lovelife and how was your college.
I'm sad because you don't even know about mine too.
I'm sad because we don't even know each other, I meant, you guys and me.
We didn't ask each other.
Maybe because I was so far, far away from all of you.
But hey, distance doesn't matter for friendship, rite?
Why we did not ask each other that time?
Why did I not know about you all?
Why did you guys not know about mine too?
We should ask each other as bestfriend, souldn't us?
But yeah, it just happened, and I can't go back and turn out the time.
I'm sorry.
All I want to say is just... I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm feeling guilty until now, and that gulityness makes me feel: 'I'm not supossed to be a part of you guys.'
I don't know how to tell you, but It's killing me a lot.
I feel guilty, and I'm not brave enough to see your faces.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I know I'm not good enough to be a part of you. :"D
But deep down inside, I'm still missing you, always have, always will.
I miss all of our silly jokes.
I miss all of your matureness advices.
I miss every single talk with each of you.
I do miss you.
I've lost so many people, but losing people like you, is the worst thing that ever happened to me.
But it's okay, I'm gonna bear with it.
I still have you in my brain.
I still look you as my friends, my good damn friends.
I always wish you guys well,
Please keep healthy
and have fun without me.
We're gonna see each other in our success-ness later.
I love you, girls.
Sincerely, your old friend.
Astri.
